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| Author | Topic: My hair is too long |
| Mrs Staveley |
posted 11/6/05 12:14 AM
Hallo-ey, lo-ey, lo! My hair is far too long. Does enyone have any suggestions as to how I might put this lamentable circumstance right? Yours peevishly, Brenda Staveley |
| Jerry Fiver |
posted 11/10/05 10:13 PM
I assume that cutting it is out of the question. So how about shrinking it? Simply take one or two crushed bananas, a cup of engine oil, two tablespoons of ground ginger and six drops of sulphuric acid. Mix them into a paste and then apply the paste liberally to the extremes of the hair. Hey presto! |
| Mrs Staveley |
posted 11/14/05 9:12 PM
Hallo-ey, lo-ey, lo! Cutting it? What does that involve? In other words, you have me intrigued ... tell me more. (Oops! Just done a windy-pops!) Love, Brenda Staveley. |
| Jerry Fiver |
posted 11/17/05 9:36 PM
Why, cutting involves using scissors or other such implements to slice through the hair to the required length. Not suitable for those of a bombastic nature! |
| Mrs Staveley |
posted 11/18/05 6:42 PM
Hallo-ey, lo-ey, lo! Crikey! That sounds rather drastic, and not a little painful to boot! Do you know whether John Winterbottom is able to carry out the procedure? Brenda Staveley |
| Jerry Fiver |
posted 11/27/05 9:03 PM
I think you'd be taking your life in your hands if you asked this Winterbottom to cut your hair. Better leave it to the pros and head for a hairdressers shop (or salon as they call 'em). |
| Mrs Staveley |
posted 3/30/06 8:15 AM
Halloey-loey-lo! Dear Mr Fiver, I took your advice, and visited one of these salons. The results were amazing! My hair was much shorter, and it didn't hurt at all! I was so, as you young people say, "made up" ... at first. But it turned out to be a flipping con. Guess what? A couple of months later, my hair has now returned to its original length! So, I'm on the lookout for more suggestions. Yours long-hairedly-again, Brenda Staveley |
| Jerry Fiver |
posted 4/3/06 6:52 PM
I am of the opinion that there is something dreadfully wrong with your hair. It may be medical, it may not. But I urge you to visit your GP and lay the case before that worthy person. And take your hair with you in case a close examination is required. |
| Mrs Staveley |
posted 4/4/06 7:18 PM
Hallo-ey, lo-ey, lo! Oh no! Do you really think I may have medical hair? I shall go to my guinea pig as soon as possible, as you suggest. |
| Mrs Staveley |
posted 5/13/07 3:02 PM
I've had it with my hair! It's just getting longer and longer! I went to see a guinea pig, but he didn't even seem to know what I was talking about. So I've bought a big hat, and just stuffed it all in there. |
| Mrs Staveley |
posted 3/13/10 11:16 AM
Halloey-loey-lo! Quick update: the hat is now about three feet above my head! Doh! |
| Fronkle Ding-Dong |
posted 3/14/10 9:22 AM
Have you ever eaten a strange man's shoes? Not that it would help your hair. I was just wondered what it tasted like. |
| Shaun Morrison |
posted 3/18/10 10:25 PM
I've heard tell that strange men's shoes go down a treat with a liberal dash of salt. I say salt! |
| Mrs Staveley |
posted 4/12/10 1:52 PM
Halloey-Loey-Lo! I'm afraid I don't know any strange men. I once ate a Fruit Corner though. Will that have done the trick, eh, eh, eh? |
| Doorhinge McNugget |
posted 5/5/10 6:22 PM
Well, I am a national hair expert and I work for the NHLOAPAHCITU (National Hair Length Operations And Protection Against Hair Cruelty In The UK) and I like to eat pies on Wednesdays. |
| Shaun Morrison |
posted 5/24/10 11:02 PM
Thank your lucky stars that you don't live here in Chiveley. The council has banned eating pies on Wednesdays. It's a disgrace - I blame NASA. |
| Doorhinge McNugget |
posted 6/2/10 12:43 AM
Well I agree with your opinion on the sheer disgrace the situation, but why blame an innocent Space Agency? Surely the RSPB are responsible! |
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