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| Author | Topic: Aap ki Shairi - Munir Kasim |
| Muhammad Khawar |
posted 10/22/06 3:48 AM
Munir Sb, Bila shuba ke na mein naqad hoon na ustaad, laikin choonke aap ne apni shair par ra-aye maangi hay to aapni samajh ke mutabiq iss par zaroor baat kar sakta hoon. Pehli Ghazal, "Chashm e Namnak mein chamak hay too" mein, "muj se ub tak naaraz baithay hain, haan koi baat ub talak hay too." mujhay iss ke mafhoom mein jhol mehsoos ho raha hay. Kia aap rehnamai karna pasand farma-ain gay? Iss mein misra "Naapne keleeaye aik sarka ho too" mein sarak ka istamal aap ki baaqi shair ke standard ke mutabiq kuch ajees sa la raha hay. Shaid meri shairana hiss e jaamal ki kothi ho. Laikin mujhay aisa laga Oar agar isse misre ko yoon kaha ja-aye, "Naapni ko ik sarak ho too" yani keleaye ko "ko ik" se replace kar dia ja-aye to ko rawani o salasat barh na ja-aye gi? "Daal kuch to jhukao iss janib Teri fitrat mein bhi kuch lachak hay too" doosra misra iss bahar mein kaisay fit baith-ta hay? Kia mani o vazn ke lahaz se darj e zail bayan ziada khoobsoorat nahi hay, "Daal kuch to jhukao iss janib Jaanta hoon ke pur lachak hay too" ya phir "Daal kuch to jhuko iss janib Haan fitrat mein pur lachak hay too" Agar mein kissi jaga kia har jaga bhi ghalat huwa to umeed hay ke aap bura na man-ain gay oar meri kam fahmi ko dar guzar karti huway wazahat kar dain gain, Aap ka mukhlis, Muhammad Khawar. |
| Muhammad Khawar. |
posted 10/22/06 4:26 AM
Mein ne abhi tak jo kuch parah hay uss say andaza hota hay ek aap usatza ki tarah puranay oar mushkil andaz mein likhna chahtay hain. kissi kissi jaga to aap en kamal hi kar diay hay :) "Dil mein ik woh magar hazar hain aks, Dil ke dewaar Aaionaon ki qatar" Wah wah. kia baat hay janab. oar phir, "Kar e dil thaa oar kuch laikin ussay thaa kaam oar, Kar raha hay kar e darad, khoon ki tarseel kam" Bara hi lateef khayal aap ne baray khoobsoorat paira-aye mein bandhay. Laikin iss style mein likhtay likhtay aap ko hold thora kam ho jata hay. ye dakhiaye, "Mera naam mre hi lab par, poochay par us ke atka thaa" Poochay istamal karne mein koi aar nahi hay yahan par. Laikin Munir bhai aaj kal ke zamane mein ya urdu? oar issi ghazal mein, "Chaand ghata heeran huway thay, Zulf ko jub us ne jhatka tha." iss shair ke doosre misre mein "jub" mani or vazn dono ke lehaz say zaid maloom hota hay. oar "daikh ke aik bahar e mujassam, mera dil e ghuncha chatka thaa" kia opper wale shair ke doosre misray mein sakte ka eshsaas nahi hay? "mera" ke alif ke aawaz lambhi ho rahi hay, mere ki ye theek rahay gi oar dil e ghunch ko dil ka ghuncha bhi likhain to ye ussi vazn par Aa-aye ga, jaisay, "Daikh kar ik bahar e mujjasum, Mere dil ka ghuncha chatka thaa" Mere ub tak ke fazool se tabsare ke leeaye paishgi mazrat :). Laikin ye tabsara chalta rahe ga ;) |
| Munir Qasim |
posted 11/6/06 3:55 PM
Adaab kawar sahib.... Main kafi arsay say kisi achay naqqaad ka muntazir tha jo mayri shairi per kuch tabsra kar sakay...aap aay..shukria... ab daikhtay hain keh aap ki islah kaisi thi.... ======= 1. aap ko iss sher kay mafhoom main jhool mehsoos hoa MUJH SAY NAZRAIn CHURAAY BAITHAY HAIN HAAn KOI BAAT AB TALAK HAY TU.. pehli baat tu yeh keh aap nay pehlay misra ko quote he ghalat kia hay..aap nay likha "muj se ub tak naaraz baithay hain"..... "ub tak" aap nay paas say daala hay, original sher main nahi hay.... dosri baat jhool...tu mujhay koi jhool mehsoos nahi hoa..agr aap jhool ki kuch wazahat kar dian to mujhay asaani ho gi.. 2. aap nay quote kia "Naapne keleeaye aik sarka ho too" .... bhaai main "ho tu" nahi likha "hay tu" likha hay. "ho to" radeef hi nahi iss ghazal ki...Lafz "sarak" ka istimaal aap ko ajeeb laga... urdu shairy main un alfaaz ka istimaal jo ghazal kay alfaaz nahi kehlaatay, main nay qasdan karta hoon..yeh kaam mash'hoor shuraa zafar iqbal nay aur joon ailya nay bhi kia hay.... 3. aap nay mashwara dia hay keh main "naapnay kayleay sarak hay tu" ko change kar kay "Naapni ko ik sarak ho too" kar doon?... subhan allah... yani main radeef bhi tabdeel kar doon aur behr say bhi hut jaaooN? aap ka tajveez karda misra behr say kharij hay. 4. aap nay mayray misray ko yoon quote kia hay "Teri fitrat mein bhi kuch lachak hay too". aur behr say kharij honay ka ilzaam lagaaya hay.. bhaai aap nay apnay paas say lafz "kuch" laga kar iss ko behr say kharij kia hay... 5. isi tarah aap kay tajveez kardah "Haan fitrat mein pur lachak hay too" ki bhi yahi halat hay. yani kharij az behr. 6. aap nay yoon islah ki "Daal kuch to jhukao iss janib Jaanta hoon ke pur lachak hay too" for your kind information, poori ghazal main radeef ka aakhri lafz "too" hay. tay per zabar kay saath... aap nay iss ko "tu" (you) bana dia hay.. pls radeef tu tabdeel nah karain. 7. "Chaand ghata heeran huway thay, Zulf ko jub us ne jhatka tha." iss sher kay baray aap nay farmaaya keh "iss shair ke doosre misre mein "jub" mani or vazn dono ke lehaz say zaid maloom hota hay" ....yani aap kay khiaal main agr main yeh likhoon kay "zulf ko us nay jhatka tha" to yeh theek ho jaay ga.....???...mohtaram iss taah behr ka bayra gharak ho jaay ga... 8. aap nay likha....... "daikh ke aik bahar e mujassam, mera dil e ghuncha chatka thaa" ...main nay "dil e ghuncha" nahi likha "dil ghuncha" likha hay..aap nay apnay paas say izaafat laga kar uss ko kharij az behr karny ki koshish farmaai hay. 9. lastly.... aap ka tajveez karda "Daikh kar ik bahar e mujjasum, Mere dil ka ghuncha chatka thaa" bhi behr say kharij hay mohtaram... ======= Dost .... aap ki kawish ka shukria...laykin islah kay bayra uthaanay say pehlay thoora sa ilm zaroori hoota hay... aap ko mayra mashwara hay keh aap bahoor ko, zahaafaat ko aur uyoob e sher kay ilm ko seekh kar kisi ghareeb ko mushq e tanqeed banaain tu bahut faida ho ga. aakhir main mayri aap say guzarish hay keh apna kuch kalaam isi forum per post karain...ta keh uss kay mayyaar ko daikh kar yeh andaaza kia ja sakay keh aap khud kaisa likhtay hain. koi baat buri lagi ho to mazarat... bahut shukria........ |
| Isht Deo Sankrityaayan |
posted 4/14/08 11:20 AM
Munir Saab Though I cant read rekhti, the script in which urdu is read. But I like urdu poetry very much. I v read most of Indian Urdu classics. I v got an article about Naaz Khailvi for your link. I really want to write a critical essay about his works. I v heard only one of his songs and that is "TUM IK GORAKHDHANDHA HO", which is sung by Late Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan. Pls publish some of his works on your blog or any other means in Roman script, as most of literature lovers of the world can read it and then know and write about the poet. I hope u ll help me. http://www.iyatta.blogspot.com literature and society |
| Munir Qasim |
posted 4/15/08 8:07 PM
Thanks a lot for liking work of Naz khialvi. Infact Naz is my Guru in poetry. I will soon publish a separate web for my Guru. You may like to talk to Naz sahib directly on his cell +923016075579. Regards |
| imran |
posted 8/25/09 7:17 PM
munir qasim sb kai sath mairey zindgi kai kuch yad gar lamhat guzarey hain. awr mai aksar unhain yaad karta rehta hoon. muniq qasim sb jiss kamal personality kai malik hain ussi tarah un ki shairi bhi kamal hai.... |
| imran |
posted 8/25/09 7:21 PM
pichley dinoo riyadh (ksa) mai aik mehfil kai doraan mai nai qasim sb ki mashoor gazal (waqt mushkil guzar gia aakhir) sunai to hazreen nai khoob daad di.... awr aksar ka kehna tha kai yeh muniq niazi ki poetry hai. laikin jab main nai unhai bataya kai yeh muniq qasim sb ki poetry hai to sub ka kehna tha kai muniq qasim sb to munir saani hain..... |
| imran |
posted 8/25/09 7:23 PM
sooooryyy... woh gazal thi: ( zindgi mai kehtey they woh hamai na roeey gai.... mar gaey to ashkoo sai aasma bhigooey gai) |
| Muhammad Munir Qasim |
posted 1/25/10 8:18 PM
Very Good. Imran sahib, aap yahaan tak bhi aa pahunchay.... khoob. Bari muddat baad aaj forum check kea to aap ki post parhi. bahut khushi hoi... Thanks a lot for complements. |
| iftikhar ahmed |
posted 7/29/10 6:50 AM
for Iro Mr Ashiq G(mohd sadeeq Urf Naz Khilavi. Salam Janab I want Your Telephone Or Mobile Nubmer Because I Love Your Poetery (Tum Ik Gorakh Dandha Ho) I Love Your Thinking} Please Please Mujay Apna Number Zaroor Batana |
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