Author	Topic:   mean ex
valerie	posted 1/14/04 5:45 AM       I wish that the cardinal rule was imbedded into my boyfriend's ex-wife. She was the one who cheated on him, and got remarried. She and my boyfriend have a daughter together. Ever since the woman laid eyes on me, she's been nothing but a selfish, mean and jealous witch. It has completely ruined my relationship with my boyfriend. Partly because he wouldn't stand up for me. It has also ruined the relationship between the daughter and myself. Throughout all of the hurtful incidents this woman did to me, I always kept my calm, and never lashed back....thinking it was the best for the daughter not to see me being a fool also. but, all it did was make me more resentful and bitter, knowing that my boyfriend waited until it was too late to even stand up for me. All of a sudden, his ex-wife isn't calling up and making mean statements....so Im just supposed to be very happy because of that. What can I do to make myself forget about what she did to me, and finally move on with my boyfriend...without feeling the resentment?
Cricket	posted 1/29/05 2:37 PM     I would tell him how you feel about him not standing up for you in the beginning and tell him how much it hurt you. Once you have conquered that,you will have to put what you have been through over this in the past. If not, it will eat away at you and your relationship. Think of everything that happened as a learning experience. Yes she was mean to you and hurtful, and if you never lashed out at her, then you are the better for that. It is bad enough for a child to see their parent like that but they come to accept it as normal but if the child saw you acting that way, then that child would be scared. There are no quick fixes. I think no matter what the road ahead brings, never stoop to someone elses level of immaturity. I know she may call you everything in the book but view it as her insecurity. Realistically she is just using displaced aggression by taking her anger with him out on you. Pray about it & especially pray for her and never let her make you be someone you don't want to be. Don't allow her to bring you to her lever. You are the better person for holding back instead of letting her anger provoke you. If you plan on staying for the long haul in your relationship, you and her will have to get along for the childs sake. Don't be too proud to always take the first step in initiating a conversation with her if the opportunity arises. She will eventually cave in. I believe there is goodness in all people. Good Luck
Angie	posted 6/23/05 3:51 PM     My husband's ex-wife has pretty much been the same way since we started dating. In my case, it doesn't matter what she/he says, she will not stop. Our best defense is to ignore her when ever possible. My husband will not answer her e-mails or questions unless it directly relates to their daughter. He does not write back everytime she calls me a name or accuses me of something. It just keeps the fire going, which is what she wants. I would hope that by your boyfriend ignoring and not arguing with her, it possibly made her realize that it is a waste of time to try and degrade you. Maybe that is why she finally stopped. I would just say what you feel by talking to your boyfriend and get your feelings validated (it is important he know how it makes you feel-and maybe he can then tell you why)and let it go.

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