Author	Topic:   Hubby takes the ex's and kids side
Tammy	posted 3/22/05 6:20 PM       I have been married now for 6 years and he has 2 from his marriage from 16 or more years ago and I have 2 from my first marriage. There mom has not been in their lives like she should be but when she does come around I stand back and watch them try to make up for lost time. Well since I married my husband that I am married to now his ex has just pure down hated me and I do not know why. My husband keeps saying that I am jealous over her and his kids but I do not see that. I see him talking with her and it just seems like they are married and not us and his family treating her like she is married to him and not me but I still treat her nicely and his family.But this past weekend done me in with them all .,do not get me wrong I love my husband dearly but what happened this weekend and today I could not excuse from him nor his family....See it was my grandsons first birthday and we where all down at my step-sons house and he has went to pick up his mom from the bus station . When they got there I spoke to his ex and tried to be nice and make her feel welcome and all I got from her was (that thing your father is married to better not say nothing to my kids or me)per his ex .Well i still said nothing and still tried and even went out of my way to include her on the wedding that our son is going to be in adn no matter what anyone told her she had a problem with it do to I was involved.Then when she found out that my name was going to be on the wedding ceromony program she had one more fit.So there is when I told my husband that if my name being on a paper would cause this much problem then I would take it off .Still I said nothing out of the way to her I still stood my ground of being nice no matter what she said. Well then my step- kids and jis family started treating me like I was not even there more like I was not his wife and that hurt.So when we got in the car to come home I was crying and I let him know how I felt and what had happened and he said that he would speak to them about it but he did not once say I am sorry nothing nor did he hold me when we got home. Well then yesterday he told one of his friends that he did not want to come home because of me and his ex that it might be a world war 3 and that hurt so much ..So I called him on that comment and he said yes I said it but I am stuck in the middle and I knew that this would happen when she come down cause you too do not get along ,well I come back with I have done everything to make her welcome plus everytime we meet I let her deal with the kids and let her do for them. I also let him know that I have not talked bad about her in front of any one and that I did not like him telling people that I am causing trouble when I am not .,I just told my husband how it made me feel and that I felt I had that right but I guess I do not have that right to let him know that what was done was wrong and that I know that this is there mom but I do not think it was right what she and his kids done to me and his mother too .It has come down to the point that I do not want toleave but if I have to I will cause I can not take the hurt of him chosing them over me and not wanting to see what they are doing to me . So am I wrong for feeling like I lost my family ,like I lost the love of my life .......
Angie	posted 6/23/05 10:00 AM     I would not throw in the towel, yet. I am certainly no expert, and have certainly retaliated toward my husband's ex more than once. Most times we can ignore how they act because we do not want to come off as jealous. However, sometimes I do stoop to her level. So, my hat is off to you for never doing so. I feel that once you let the ex feel she still has a spot in your nuclear family, then she will continue. I am like you and completely understand that of course she if the children's mother. But there has to be a line drawn somewhere. It does sound as if your husband sometimes shows more loyalty to his ex, than you. I would suppose it is because she is the mother of his children and 16 years is a long time. He may have been passive in his previous relationship with her, and has just continued the role without realizing he chose to be in new role which includes you and your children. How is he with your children? Before I would consider it a lost situation, I would try setting some time aside to really sit down and talk to him, and then possibly include the ex on later meeting. If not, consider a mediator, or counselor, or therapist. Dont' throw it away, yet!! You sound like a very giving and compassionate person. Like I said, you have done much better than me!
Kim	posted 9/11/07 6:59 PM       In the beginning of my husbands and I relation ship he took his ex's side over mine all the time. I hated it so bad. Finally I talked to him and told him how I felt and he noticed that he was wrong on doing that and now he never does that, actually he never even talks to his ex, I do all the talking. My husband hates his ex wife with a passion...Do I like that? Hell yes I do, I want him to hat her, lol. I hope things get better for you!

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