|
| Author | Topic: NPD husband |
| Tina |
posted 9/28/09 6:29 PM
I am divorcing my NPD husband of five years. We have two children. He is trying to make my life absolutely difficult. I lost my good friend, who is either sleeping with him or being paid to feed his agenda. She is their star witness in our court case. I made her children birthday cakes and did anything she ever neeeded. Now she says she can't attest I am a good person or a good mother. This was a friend HE encouraged me to have. He says I suffer from "lifelong depression" and he is trying to get sole custody of the children with supervised visitation. He has bad mouthed me to our pastor at church and the whole congregation as well as all his patients at work even telling them I have beat my children. I have had to start a new life (with no money) at my mom's house (he refused to leave our home and he is a dentist). I have to go to a new church and look for new friends. I am starting all over. It seems being a good person and sacrificing for my family has led me to this scenario. My family is in shambles, my reputation is as a suicidal abusive mom.....what do I do? I go to counseling, but I feel like I am just picking up the pieces. |
| One.day.at.a.time |
posted 10/13/09 11:49 AM
I totally understand what you are going through, I am seperated from my only 1 year Narcissistic husband and on my way to divorcing him (no kids thank God) but he is doing exactly like your ex, it seems to be their pattern of behavior and it's hard for them to change it. When he feels he's losing control, he'd do anything to be in control once more, he'd beg you and kiss your feet and cry and he'd also shout at you and slander you and go to all youir family and freinds and church members with all sorts of lies to make you look soooooooooo bad, after all he feels that when you leave him this makes him look bad so he has to prove that it's not him it's YOU who has the problem. He also projects his madness on you and convinces himself that he was trying to save you all along, but now that you're leaving him, there's no hope for you. Remember, Narcissists hate responsibility, so he doesnt want to take your kids because he doesn't want to be responsible for them, he just wants to take them to force you to go back to him. My advice is, keep your sanity, close your ears to whatever anyone is saying that makes you feel bad about yourslef, I mean literally WALK AWAY in the middle of their speach. DONT HEAR THEM OUT. If I were you, I'd pretend that I dont want the kids, play some of his games, pretend that you want to start a new life and that having the kids in your life will hinder you from doing all the things you were hoping to experience in this new life that you are starting. Play it so well that he believes it. Use his same weapons, the same friend that he is using against you, pretend that you trust her soooo much and that's why you're telling her how you really feel and make her promise that she will not tell anyone, she will sure run and tell him this. If he thinks that you dont want the kids, he'll stop trying to get them. One more thing, TRUST YOURSELF, I know that you are toooooo drained from all the devaluation and manipulation that you have been subjected to by your ex-Narcissist for 5 whole years , I've been with my narcissist for only one year and this was enough to leave me as a chattered wreck of a person. Do your grieving, mourn as much as you need to, but after you're done, throw the past behind your back and look forward for the new life that you will start. Actually, now I can literally thank my Narcissist for forcing me to stay away from ALL the people I already knew, because it's so much fun to start a new life, it's so refreshing and rejuvenating, as if you became a little kid again and you're going to a new school, looking forward to making new friends and learning new skills in life and becoming a totally NEW person. A person who is no longer tied by the short rope that the Narcissist ties your feet with so that you can't go too far from him. A person who's strong and independant and free to make your own decisions. You will strat liking the new person that you are becoming, even your kids will enjoy the new mom they're having who's not neurotic because of the abuse and stress that she's subjected to 24X7. |
| Wrecked |
posted 12/12/09 4:17 AM
Oh Tina...I hope you still check here. I feel like u were telling my life. I have been married 9 years to NPD husband. Just now realizing that is what he is. My life is crumbling and going into shambles. I have 3 sons. He is doing the exact...I MEAN exact same thing your husband is doing. He slander me so much at our church which was MY family...since I don't have any family, literally. Now, I'm at a different church. Honestly, I just want to go home to be with Jesus. It is unbearable at times. I'm terrified of all the upper hands he has on me. I was a stay at home mom. No degree. No job. Nothing. Now he is all control and took me off of everything. It truly is a nightmare. I just want to wake up and have it be over. Please if you do check this...please email me at my email address: jendus001@hotmail.com I pray you check this. |
|
|