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| Author | Topic: By popular demand, the collars up article |
| The Sports Dude |
posted 5/12/04 2:44 PM
Collars Down are for Poor People By I.M. Adick, III When my ancestors came over to this great country 400 years ago, they had a vision for a utopia, free from minorities, liberals, poor people, homosexuals, and immigrants. There are few today who share such lofty ideals, but we're easy to find: Pastel polo shirts, loafers without socks, tucked-in shirts, but most importantly, collars up. Call me a douchebag. Call me an arrogant little cocksucking dickhead. Beat the shit out of me if I'm not with fifteen of my B-frat friends (unlikely). But just know this: I interned at Goldman this summer. Where did you work? A Blockbuster? That's right you insignificant sack of dogshit; I'm going to be your boss. So take your t-shirt wearing, financial aid, blue-collar ass over to Blockbuster and get me a copy of Old School. Do you even own a tuxedo? Look at my girlfriend. You think she'd go for someone who didn't have his collar up? I don't think so. I remember the night I met her. I bought her so many $9 drinks she couldn't even walk. So I drove her home in my BMW 328ci, but not before I took a few "liberties" with her. The next morning I took her to brunch and went to the mall, where I bought her some blouses. You assholes don't know the first thing about being a gentleman. You probably don't even know how to sail. When I get out of business school, I'm going to be making $120,000 a year. Add that to my trust fund, and I can buy a country club membership, a ski house, and still have enough money to go barhopping around the city in my designer clothes and shit-eating grin. Maybe I'll offer you a hundred bucks to flip my collar up for me. I earned it you middle-class fuck up. I bet you went to public school. You're so predictable. I bet I can guess your political party just by looking at you. My cronies and I range from elitist northern liberals to heartless conservative bastards. I've wasted enough time with you. Get some rich parents, an internship, and a pink polo with the collar up, and then maybe I'll let you hang out with me. |
| D. Mazur |
posted 5/13/04 3:16 AM
Collar up! Where to begin. For many years now I have been suppressing this temptation to rock the collar up. The resulting internalized fear of social ridicule and isolation has gradually altered my personality. Where I was once a jubilant youth taking pleasure in the joys of life, I now possess only condescending mannerisms which in result has labeled me quite aptly a bitter and unfriendly person. But there are others like me. Others who have fought the urge to “accidentally” leave ones collar standing at attention like an airman awaiting orders. Oh how I have waited for this day. I will forevermore wear my collar up without apprehension, credit to you sports dude. |
| Tommy "Starch on the collar" Boccard |
posted 5/17/04 2:32 AM
I couldn't have said it better myself sports dude. I rocked a pink polo collar up last night in appreciation of the article. Keep em up. |
| Johnny Irony |
posted 5/17/04 4:01 PM
Listen chaps, the sooner we all realize the satiric nature of the Dude's fascination with upturned collars, the sooner we will see the truth in the mirror. For every collar that gets flipped up so do fifteen middle fingers in your direction. It's funny for the Dude of Sports to espouse the benefits of an ascending collar, it's totally another thing to think that it will better your sex life. Go Mets! |
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