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| Author | Topic: At last! |
| -=JC=- |
posted 5/7/03 4:26 AM
hey people...eto na po eto na! at last! sorry kasi hirap magconnect. anyway ndi ko alam pano ba magpost dito at naiigno ako. basta paste ko na lang ha! whatever! kayo na lang mag-ayos... "My Ironic Fairy Tale" He was really never my type. I was eleven then and one year younger than he was. A jerk, an arrogant kid, a monster to my sight. I hated him so much that I always find myself crying every time he teases me. I wanted to get away from him. I wanted to ignore him. But no matter how much I try to avoid this nightmare, there was never a time I heard him say a single nice compliment to me. He is such a brat. Few months later, I was a young lady in the making. Representing as the muse of our class, I ramped on the stage, walk with poise, pose and give the sweetest smile in front of an assembly, there he was watching me with a serious smile. I could still remember that he was a witness to the most embarrassing moment in my life, and take note, he is the only witness aside from myself. Turning a lady is not a joke. I couldn't believe that he is the one who saw the stain in my shorts! I didn't expect that my monthly period be due that day. And gosh! Oh my gosh! I was wearing shorts for the elimination round of the contest and he saw me with a stain?! I know it was really embarrassing, but after that incident, we both forgot all about it. Anyway, that ended his arrogance and started the story. The day after that was the start. He wrote me a letter and said sorry for being rude to me. Because I hated him so much, I wrote back and told him that I don't ever want to see his face again. He gave me a little token, which is a hair clip. I didn't like boys but sometimes I'm one of them. It's not that I didn't like the hair clip, it's because I didn't like him. I gave it to my friend. When he realized that no matter what he do, I still don't give him my attention. So he turned back as the arrogant kid, so arrogant that my mom went to school and scolded him. From then on, he started to keep quiet whenever I pass by. Time has come for him to go after finishing the elementary course. School year has ended and summer began. One summer day the phone rang. It was he. He calls me everyday and tell jokes, share stories, and became friends. We still argue sometimes because he sometimes still becomes naughty. And then I realized that he just likes me that is why he kept on teasing me and makes me irritated with him all the time. And soon, I had a secret admiration for him. It was the first time in my life that I blush whenever he makes me smile. He didn't know that. Summer has ended. He left me, living on our own. He transferred in another school far from where he has been for some years. I never had any chance to talk to him again. Time passed by and I also have finished my elementary course. I transferred in another school, which is exclusive for girls. I changed a lot starting the first day of my high school. I became more lady like and quiet type person, simple. We accidentally had seen a glimpse of our eyes. He was walking on his way home when my service passed by the road he took. I never mentioned even to myself that he looks good and much more when I saw him back then. He smiled at me but I did not responded. I just gave him a cold look. That was the first and the last time I saw him that year. All I thought of was we will never be friends again after we both knew that we admire each other during the end of that summer. One day in my second year in high school, I heard his name again. A classmate of mine mentioned his name and asked me if I knew him. Knowing that I like him, I couldn't believe that I've said every bad thing I could remember about him. I didn't know why, it just came out in my mouth. After that I ignored what I remembered. I told myself, "it was nothing… he is just the arrogant kid you knew during your childhood…" Days passed by, and I forgot all about him - again for a while. Yes, for a while… I enjoy the music our band makes. And we decided to do our community service outside the Four Corners of our school. We joined in a community chapel as a band and play our instruments during the mass every Sunday. And for the second time after he left our former alma mater, we saw each other again. It was more than the glimpse, it's not more than five meters away, and he waved "hi". After the very long time ago, he then witnessed my smile for the very first time, which is for him. I know he quite couldn't believe that I finally gave him my attention personally, and he doesn't know what to say. Even I myself can't find the words to utter. He just asked me if he could write me a letter. I nodded yes and I went on. Suddenly I felt strange. My heart beats as fast as a horse on a race. Maybe because I seldom talk to guys and I saw his difference in physical appearance. Two weeks after, I received his letter from a schoolmate. I was really nervous to open it. I even felt much nervous when I started reading it. Well, it was just an apology letter. I wrote back and it started again our friendship. Months have passed and I had a different feeling already that he wanted something more, but he couldn't say it. I decided to secretly help him, and little by little, he was able to say it. Finally, he made it. It tastes bitter and it sucks to eat my own words. I admit, I like him and more than that, I've learned from him what it is to love somebody. I was there to really feel I'm normal, I've been in love! It wasn't a fantasy, but it feels like I'm a fairy tale come true. Silly, isn't it? But that's how love goes… He was really never my type… during the time I don't know what it is real, what is true, what it is to love. I was then dreaming of having someone very famous, handsome, heartthrob, someone perfect to be my boyfriend one day. It is real that true love always has an exception. He is my first love, corny? Yeah, but that's true. And I am about to believe that the saying "expect the unexpected" is real and proven. One month full of hopes and dreams was blown away as light as a feather. Just a little misunderstanding and we gave up. All was shattered, our friendship was broken. But time healed the wounds and we tried to pick the pieces of our friendship along the road. Good friends, that's what we are after soaring high with the true feelings we had. But it didn't ended there. He finished the secondary course, and I was left for my last year. College is different, I predicted that he will find the right girl for him in his college life. We remain friends, but we seldom talk. We both have no idea of what we're feeling. I was ashamed to realize that I could not go on without telling him all the things I want to tell him, including my feelings. One day we agreed to trade our pictures. My alibi? For me not to miss him that much even if we're far away from each other. And he had the same alibi. It was the day supposed to be our first year anniversary when we traded our pictures. I couldn't utter a word; I was shy and blushing when I saw him face to face. Life went on, until after Christmas, I found all the courage to tell him what I wanted to tell him. But instead of finding the words to say goodbye to the feelings I held for a long time, we reconciled. Boom! Love has bloom again. We went out together for the very first time in our lives… All was first time: first time we ate together, first time I hold hands with a guy, first time I experienced my hands to be kissed, first time I've fallen deeply in love with somebody. Love has grown but again, just for a while. Before the month ended, my hopes and dreams shattered and seemed that it could no longer be built again. There was somebody else. But honestly, I don't really know the real reason why he wanted it to end. I guess he changed a lot after a long time. That was just a few months ago. Here I am now, someone who could no longer believe what's true and fake. All I can sense until now is the hurt I felt from that night we broke up. The wound was as deep as the ocean. I could not let go, because he is the only man I've ever loved. I want to tell him that even if he has hurt me, I'm still standing strong with the same feelings I still have. First love never dies… no matter how much pain and hurt it has been… yes, I'm still hurt… I'm still hurt…but I love him. Fairy tales aren't real, but each and every one of us is a fairy tale in the making. It is in our choices that we can make the tale possible. Fairy tales always have happy endings… but mine? Oh, it was an irony of all fairy tales I've heard. But who knows? This might be the end, or maybe this might only be the first chapter. There's always a tomorrow, and anyone can change it… How I love happy endings! Having finished this story, I am now ready to face a brighter tomorrow, live normally and again expect the unexpected… May this story inspire me for my future life and serve as a lesson to cherish. And never to forget the person who taught me how to love, how to begin with something special… the person who has been very special… my first love. "and every time I think of you, I remember all the good times that we've had… and every time I sing this tune, I will laugh I will cry, I will close my eyes cause I know that it won't be long until we see… we will rise…we will laugh away the night. And the good times will never end, when we meet again. And I'm gonna be someone lonely cause you know no one could ever fill your shoes. And as I am so tired you have taught me how to be a stronger man, and I look forward to the day I'll learn again… we will see… we will laugh…we will laugh away the night… and I know that it won't be long, until we meet again. And though that I wish I were with you now, I know there's a reason for space… and I can dream of the memories you're writing down… and I look forward to the day with the smile on your face… we will see… we will laugh… we might cry and we might fight. And the good times will never end… we will laugh… will we laugh? We'll reflect on the years we've passed. And I know that it won't be long… until we meet again…" Book Two; After Shock Love, love, love… the issue? Nah, no more. Then what? Hurt… has always been the consequence of love. After the sweet tastes of selfish ignorance in love, you'll come to taste the bitterness of it. Having not resisted the sweetness, no body can escape from tasting bitter something. I am a human person. I am somebody. Am I strong? Yes I am capable of strong resistance. Have I grown weak? Hypocrite if not! When you're hurt you always grow weak, especially if because of love. I am asking the readers not to judge my personality according to this write up. I am writing to release negative thoughts, to inspire and contribute. So please, bare with me. Thank you. Enough about love. Let me share with you what exactly happened at the end of my ironic fairy tale. I found a song, which explains what happened the night we ended up, and I assumed that it was what he wanted to tell me. "I held her close to me, cause I know she breaks so easily. And then I told her, but I knew no matter how I tried to console her, she just do the best she could. But there are times the best is no damn good. And no matter how you try to be kind, there's always still a part of you you leave behind. When it falls apart, there's no easy way to break somebody's heart." There's no easy way, even to love. There are lots of consequences and the hardest part of it is accepting what lies ahead like how you embraced love for the first time. It always comes to be as painful as a body crushed by a ten-wheeler truck or a body being burned alive. Wounds are perfect symbol for the hurt. Although you can't see your heart bleed, the blood flows on to clean the wound and time will tell when to stop from bleeding. "I lied and told her she'd be fine though we both knew it was just a line. I had to do it cause I'd said anything to help me get through it. Then she reached out for my hand and her simple touch was more than I could stand. And I had to turn away cause I knew all the hurt that she was feeling I was feeling too. Cause when it falls apart, there's no easy way to break somebody's heart." I knew he was trying to calm me down, to tell me everything will be all right even after that night. The reason he stated was that he doesn't know how to handle our situation. Damn! When he came back, which I thought was for good, he asked me first if I could understand our situation, that we'll quite have a little time together. Oh how stupid I was to say, "yes, I could"! I realized I have eaten for myself a poison saying those words. I guess I was overwhelmed of the love I had for the very long time, and how I love him that much that's why even if there's a lot of consequences, I have assumed to myself I was ready to face love that time… all over again. Again? "She could've gotten angry and made me feel like a guilty child, but I realized that's never was her style. I wanted her to hurt me and not treat me like a friend. I wanted her to say there'd be someday I'd be crawling on my knees to ask her back again. But she acted like a lady till the end… Oh, what a lady…" These lines were the opposite from what I acted upon having heard his reason of breaking my heart. Yes, I got angry and probably I made him felt guilty. More of it, my heart wanted to throw him stones and burn him in an oven like a turkey, or push him on a ditch. But it did not come out of mind first. Instead, I wanted to hug him tight that very night we were talking and tell him how much I loved him and I don't want to lose him. But of course, pride is the heir of my heart. I would never do that because I was hurt and because of the stupid pride I have… we both have. Did I act like a lady? That's what you call the girl power… or rather weakness over man. But I am a woman at heart. I would never let myself look stupid reaching for him when he wanted to get away from commitment. "I thought that she'd break down, but she smiled at me and never made a sound. And I guess she understood in her way, cause her silence told me everything she could not say. When it falls apart, there's just no easy way to break somebody's heart…" Nah… I never smiled. But I did not prolong the discussion of breaking up. I don't want to place myself somewhere where I'd even feel the pain. Even if I don't want to, I let him go. Go! I clearly understand what you want me to do. I'm not stupid you fool! That hurts, but I promise you, I will stand up tomorrow after drowning myself from tears… I'll stand up, I promise. But wait, is it over? Still there's no easy way to forget. I'm not over him, are you crazy? He was my first love! How can I forget him easily? The stain is quite hard to erase. The memories of the seven years cannot be blown away with just a snap. This will not yet be over until I already find my knight with his shining armor… Book Three; the Castle Ball The irony of the fairy tale continues. I am supposed to be the maiden who the prince was searching for in such a very long time. I am supposed to be the girl who will try to fit the glass slipper and appear as the Cinderella of the man. I am supposed to be Belle of Beauty and the Beast who will rescue the true man behind this beast from the curse. Hey! Am I supposed to be the leading character? The Princess to be rescued? A girl who waits for her prince? Enough with "supposed-to-be" things. Yes. I am playing the role of the prince here. I am looking for my… princess!?! No let's reverse it. I am the princess looking for the prince. In a fairy tale, the Castle Ball is for the prince to find his bride. But in my fairy tale, I am the one sending invitation for the ball. I've been buried with the after shock in my second book. So I decided to leave behind my deep love for my Romeo and find myself a perfect match. I am the boss. I will be the one to use the stamp pad to mark the application forms or resume with "OK" and "REJECT". What do you think? Just agree with me and follow the story. First applicant. A valedictorian? This prince came all the way from palace of science and fictions, some sort of a nerd? Not really. He is cute, but I don't need opinions from his knowledgeable computer source. Rejected, sorry. Second applicant. This boy was probably asked by his mother for an errand but lost his way home! Anyway, this boy is younger than I am. He rocks and he is cool but is an unsweetened chocolate. He is dying to perform with Barbie of Barbie's Cradle alone, had a crush with DIDO and is a die-hard fan of KORN. Hard rock! I was almost convinced with his sincerity but got annoyed with him. Big question WHY? He disliked me because I like to sing Eminem's song and I actually have a crush with Eminem. The decision? I just handed him a lollipop, asked him to go back home and just run errands for his mother. At least I've given her mother a huge favor with that. Third applicant. A ramp model. Yeah, this guy is really cool. Handsome but a little too thin, I couldn't believe he's a model. I like everything about him, his incredible eyes, his rosy lips, his sweet scent, the car, the type of music, everything! Except one thing - POLYGAMOUS! Hey! I don't want to kick him out of my office; he's a dream guy! But I have to, unless I would want to eat the poison again and hurt my fragile heart for the second time. Fourth applicant. A prince with his Ducati. Someone from a drag race team. Any comments? Yes I have a few. Let me say some compliment first. He's really handsome. He is sweet, gentleman and take note, and a vegetarian. Comments: a spoiled brat, bolero, and a dangerous driver of this Ducati. I don't think I'll place myself again in a situation where I would die. I don't want to have a bloody death! So, say bye to the man of motors. Fifth applicant. A prince on a sailboat?! Weird thoughts. But I'll accept that as a compliment. Anyway, what does this prince has to do with a sailboat? Namamangka sa dalawang ilog… Two timer prince of whatever palace! Disgusting! Even before he submitted his papers, he was already in the list of rejected applicants. He shouldn't get far away and sail on with his sailboat between three rivers. Whew! That's tough! Is that the end of the ball presentation? That's the end of the list of all princes but the ball is not yet over. The music has just started, and the search is only beginning… Book Four; the Dance I am not any Greek goddess… I am no princess. But I have met many Greek gods in my life but not anyone of them was hit by cupid's arrow. The ball was perfect for some other princess, but not for someone like me. I did not find my prince charming but there's someone who caught my attention when the music started. And this is what you call, the fairy tale. He is not a prince either. But who cares? I'm not a real princess anyway. But every girl is a princess, like what Sarah of the Little Princess has said. He is just a simple, fine, young man. And I guess I don't need a prince, I like this guy. Now I am a lady and I found my knight…with his shining armor. I never knew he would be the one. I just felt it all of a sudden like raindrops falling in my hair at the end of summer. Those summers I had after grade school were blue and as cold as the winter. Having left alone by your one true love, who would not feel pathetic? Now I know how it feels to be weird… sometimes. And as you crossed your roads again, he would make you feel mushy and so in love but then he'll show you his true side and leave you in a dry land without any schedule of transportation. Now I feel annoying. But now, I don't have to shed my tears for someone annoying and unfair. I might not have forgotten him yet, I still might have those desires of having him back because of the tender love I had for him all those years. But not to destroy the newly planted heart to replace the one left away in the desert by this person I have loved in a very long time. The knight has arrived and I am rescued. We went to the ball and danced all night long until the sun is up for a new and brighter day. He sat beside me. He let me cry until I poured out every single pain I was feeling. And when I'm done pulling out the thorns of the past love I have wasted with somebody not right, he sat still and waited for me to calm down. He did not left my side… he never left my side starting that day. We talk, we laugh, we cry, we share thoughts of life, we learn, we dream… We dream to be better persons together. Each and everyday, we think of each other, and we think of our future. We plan, we find time to listen to our hearty feelings. We live like our lives are one. We never fail to learn from even the little mistakes we have done during the day. We set goals, we aspire to fulfill every dream we hold. We wish, we hope. We pray and strengthen our faith. We care, and above all, we love each other more and more each day as if we can never love again later, and we never forget that trials will always come along the way. But we believe that our goals will keep us together, stronger and better. He is my knight with his shining armor... and I am his lady. We will dance… dance until the music of life is over. Love overflows, and I guess I was able to recover from the wicked prince of my life. I'll continue to love him for he is the one who taught me how to love… but my knight has taught me what is love, and how to love much better. There's something I learned about love, which my wicked prince hasn't taught me, probably he doesn't even know about it. My knight told me that love has no boundaries… that I can dream much more than what words and promises could say… and that keep us now together, standing strong forever… and the book is about to close. He whispered to me, "I never know what the future brings, but I know you are here with me now. We'll make it through and I hope you are the one I share my life with…" The lady and the knight is hoping and praying that they will live happily ever after. " In memory of him who taught me how to love… And in loving presence of him who taught me how to love better…. May the past become a history that will never be forgotten, And the present live forever…" |
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