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| Author | Topic: What you need to believe to be a Rebublican |
| Radcliff |
posted 10/19/04 7:48 PM
A Republican's quandary > > Things you have to believe to be a Republican today: > > Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy > when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion. > > Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony. > > A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation. > > Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton. > > The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay. > > If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex. > > Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism. > > HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart. > > Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools. > > A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy. > > Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet. > > The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's cocaine conviction is none of our business. > > Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery. > > You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt. > > What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant. > > Feel free to pass this on. > > If you don't send it to at least 10 other people, we're likely to be stuck with Bush for 4 more years. > > Friends don't let friends vote Republican. |
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